I used to question - second guess myself.
Needed validation. My own thoughts and opinions weren’t valid enough
Seeking attention and guidance.
I found it so very hard to focus on Me.
Why?
I guess I didn’t think I mattered. Truly to the core - that’s the root.
I didn’t Believe I was worthy… Trying to live up to someone else’s expectations and standards…
As I journeyed through life, these very truths led me into crossing paths with an individual who helped me grow in soo many ways.
A person who helped sparked the light within me.
This experience has amounted to being the turning point in my life where I decided to
Choose Me and go forth in my Purpose.
In the beginning, he was friendly - Inspiring - Motivating. Very supportive of my beliefs and goals. He even seemed to share the same goals as mine.
We spent endless hours, discussing Ideas, Plans, Dreams, and Desires.
I became very attached and open. Finally, “I could share my inner creative thoughts and ideas with someone”. This was like a jackpot for me.
Why? Because I have always been aware of my inner self and how important it is to have a strong relationship with self. To know self.
To finally be able to connect with someone who I could share that with, was Everything!
I Learned a lot.
I was challenged in all aspect - Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually, and Physically.
The dynamic between us was very non-traditional.
I wouldn’t say we were lovers, but rather he was my Teacher in life.
I was exposed to situations and occurrences that ultimately helped me gain the courage and strength within myself to Believe in Me! To Be who I was destined to be and Create my Life!
Essentially, it seemed like a mirror was being held up to me.
Allowing me to see my every flaw.
Many of the flaws I saw in him reflected back onto me.
I saw many things that I disliked within myself. While simultaneously starting to see the monster in this individual.
I could no longer stand living in someone else’s shadow.
Especially the shadow of someone who began degrading and disrespecting me in all ways. It was like witnessing Light switch to Darkness within a nick of time.
He had his own separate demons he was facing. And in the moments where it became horrific, I could see where the lack was in myself - and how I needed to really learn to love myself - and put myself first.
The lack of love within myself resulted in me not witholding the appropriate values and boundaries to protect myself. I allowed this person to invade my space…
The unfortunate events that took place, have given me such Wisdom and Understanding of myself. This is the key I have taken with me!
As I look back today, as ugly as the unfortunate events became, it was all for my ultimate Good.
I was able to see myself through all the horror - The moment he stopped being my Teacher and started becoming my Enemy:
*The torch was passed on to me
I thank the Most High, for always Protecting me and Guiding me!
I received all that I needed to receive and exited immediately.
The connection became very intense and ultimately destructive.
I could no longer stay connected with him, for the sake of my Sanity and my Life.
He tried his very best to have me self-destruct. In these latter moments, I began to see the Light within Myself! I truly began to see my own Light! And then, I had to part ways.
Within a blink of an eye, I relocated to a remote area where I was able to find peace, stability, and most importantly - get back to Me.
As I look back, I realized, that individual didn’t love himself and so he projected his insecurities and self onto me. He did not defeat his inner battles and so he is stuck where he is until he faces them.
As for myself, I have taken the torch and am marching Forward!
I Choose Me. I choose to move Forward with my life, Focus on being the Best Me and Shining My Light.
Author: Tiffany Okieme
Surreal Beauty by Tiffany
www.sbbytiffany.com